The final part of our 'nailing the speech' series - the all important best man speech. It has all come down to this...
Unfortunately for you, this is the most anticipated speech of the night. Nobody is looking forward to hear anyone’s parents speak, or really anyone else at the party except maybe the maid of honour. No doubt you’re absolutely dreading this and having some minor panic attacks about freezing or getting outshone by some 60 year old geriatric. Nonetheless, you must stand up and be accounted for, son! This is your time to shine. To pay your mate back for all those times he smashed you on the sports field or stole the girls you liked in high school. To cut the arrogant S.O.B down to size and to make sure the bride finds out a little bit about what she’s in for.
Right? Well… yes!
It is also a time for love and to honour your mate for the lifelong friend and confidant he has been for you over the years. To thank him for helping and challenging you along the way to be a better man. It’s important to remember we are at a wedding and that your speech is a toast, not a roast .
So then, before you begin, consider the following and just write down some thoughts about the groom (and perhaps the bride) and your relationship with them:
- How do you know the groom?
- Why did he choose you as best man?
- How would you describe both the bride and groom? Use 3-5 positive adjectives.
- What was the groom like before he met the bride? How has he changed knowing her?
- How did they meet? How did the groom tell you about her?
- If you are married yourself, you might want to include your own marriage advice that you've learned or been given. Are there any good stories or anecdotes that showcase the groom’s personality?
Additionally, some pointers to give you a good overall feel for your speech:
- Be genuine. No need to get prissy or try to be someone you’re not. Just try to be natural and use your normal voice, rhythm and mannerisms. This is your best mate so it should be pretty easy to make it personal and speak from the heart. The crowd will appreciate it.
- Stay Sober. At least stay sober enough not to get carried away with anything stupid. There will be plenty of time at the bar later. You’re probably tired after a bit of a long day so make sure there is water between alcoholic drinks.
- Leave some things to the imagination. Inevitably there will be a raft of topics that are untouchable in any best man speech, including ex girlfriends, drug habits or what you ‘really’ thought of the bride when you first met her. Do not include any of this type of stuff in your speech, although if you can find a way to cleverly reference them without being offensive, then give it a go.
- Feedback - we mentioned this earlier but it’s especially important for the best man to get feedback on his speech. Find the most honest groomsman and possibly the MOH and have them critique your words before you (potentially) make a dick of yourself
- Avoid inside jokes. This is pretty simple - they just aren’t funny for anyone else. Sure, maybe you can reference them quickly but certainly don’t hang on them like they are anything important. Inside jokes are awkward enough in a small group, let alone in a crowd of 50+.
That's enough of an overview, you want to know what to include in your speech. So let’s get down to it.
If nobody is speaking from the girls’ side, start by acknowledging the groom's toast and thanks to the bridal party. Since the MOH (Maid of Honour) isn't giving a speech, thank the bride and groom on behalf of the entire wedding party for including them in their wedding celebrations. If, on the other hand, the MOH is speaking, you should just thank the couple for including you and the groomsmen.
You should be thinking about complimenting nearly everyone. Just say how great everyone in the wedding party is looking in their attire but pay particular attention to the bride and mention that your mate is probably punching significantly above his average here. Compliment the success of the wedding, venue and ceremony. These compliments and thanks will get you off on the right foot and allow you some leeway for jokes later on as you’ve already endeared the crowd to you.
Once you’ve acknowledged and thanked all the appropriate people, it’s time to get down to the nitty gritty - taking the piss out of the groom. Get into things with a bit of an icebreaker because up until now you’ve kept it pretty formal. People want some fun stories and it’s your job to deliver them. There’s not a groom on the planet that is perfect or beyond reproach and he'll be having a laugh along with you anyway.
Stories should of course be funny - they can have slightly scandalous elements but avoid anything clearly offensive. You have the right to rib the groom, but not to totally humiliate him.
Don't offend or upset the bride or her family either. A bit of thought should tell you what secrets and previous activities should go untold. Depending on the wedding there may even be kids in the audience so consider your language. It is not that difficult to be funny without being completely foulmouthed.
Of course this speech isn't all about you and sharpening up your comedy routine. The stories you tell will have a purpose - you'll be tearing down your mate just enough so that you can build him back up again with some heart felt honesty and affection towards the end. He is your best mate for a reason so highlight his best qualities as a man and future husband, as well as what he means to you.
Finish up with the final toast of the night and celebrate the union of two of your friends in enthusiastic fashion. The guests will be ready for a dance, a drink and some desert by now and will welcome the conclusion of the speeches, no matter how good you are.
Congratulations - you made it through your speech!