Below are the first couple of chapters from our ebook 'Nailing the Speech', about how to deliver a successful and confident speech at your wedding. Whether you're the groom, father of one of the newlyweds, the MC or the best man, the ebook has specifics for each.
INTRODUCTION
Everyone's speaking role at a wedding will have a slightly different focus. This book gives everyone a guide and practical advice to getting it right.
We get it. Public speaking is the number one fear for people - there is so much to think about and for many it is so far outside their normal comfort zone that they’d frankly rather get slowly mauled to death by bull ants.
We can hear your internal dialogue already:
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What if I'm not funny?
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What if I'm boring?
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What if I get nervous and clam up?
The pressure to get it right seems unbearable to inexperienced speakers.
Thankfully, we come bearing good news - the truth is that a wedding speech is about as far from the proverbial “dragon’s den” as it is possible get, when it comes to public speaking. In fact you could almost go so far as to say that it is not actually “public” speaking at all! The crowd are not there hoping to watch you crash and burn or to make you feel like you’re even less funny than Kathy Griffin - quite the opposite. You will find at a wedding that not only will people be largely uncritical, but that they’re actually desperate for you to be good and will be receptive to almost anything you say, if you can show them you’ve put some thought into it.
Depending on your role at the wedding, you may not need to read this whole book, although we recommend that you do. Reading it all will help you pay it forward, or pick up other tips that may apply to you.
By the end of this book you should have the necessary tools and a bit more confidence to get up in front of a crowd of people, speak from the heart and have them all enjoy it. We'll cover off:
- General public speaking advice and overcoming fear
- Etiquette and structure
- Specific pointers for each of the key roles likely to speak
Whether you're doing it out of obligation, love or pure showmanship, we hope you find this book to be helpful. If you don’t happen to fit into a specific role, you'll still be able to read through and cherry pick the best bits to suit what you need.
Even with that being the case, it is astounding how often the same mistakes are made time and time again - best men telling inappropriate stories about the groom, or fathers of the groom who feel the need to talk about themselves instead of the newlyweds… this is without even mentioning the ladies' side of the wedding which can be fraught with its own challenges.
With all that in mind, just remember weddings are joyous occasions - all you have to do is give a genuine speech and not be a dick to ensure that you’ll have the other guests eating out of the palm of your hand in no time.
Thanks from the TBM team
CHAPTER 1 - GENERAL ADVICE
Write something - don't just wing it on the day.
This seems obvious but you will be surprised how many people do not follow this basic piece of advice. Not only will it ensure that you tell the story that you want to tell, it will help you remember essential pieces of information like the bride’s favourite grandma’s name or those cousins that have flown in from overseas. Also don't try and memorise the speech chances are you're not a professional presenter so you will almost certainly slip up and forget something, especially after a few drinks.
Tell A Story
Remember that giving a good speech is all about telling a story that engages the crowd. This does require some practice beforehand but try to imagine yourself as a kids TV presenter or you’re impressing a girl at a bar. You can never be too animated (especially when practising). The speech is about more than generic words - it is about your personal connection and stories. Being specific is critical to capturing your audience - anecdotes of your experiences together depending on your relationship.
Structure
Remember back at school where you learnt the most basic stuff about stories? Probably not, so we’ll refresh you: Every story has a beginning, middle and an end. If you wrap up your speech in a way that refers back to your opening remarks or jokes, you will finish on a high note and sound like a seasoned pro.
Pick Your Audience
This is probably the most critical rule for everyone, but even more so for the best man who can often get carried away. Think about who is there and whether they will actually appreciate sordid tales or lude comments. Save that stuff for the after party. Also do not let your speech become a giant injoke - try to include to everyone and be relatable.
Check the Tech
Nothing worse than getting through a speech and realising 80% of the room couldn’t hear you. People won’t care if you ask multiple times that the microphone or sound system is working as it should be. Many experienced speakers forget this critical element and mumble into the microphone or stand too far away from it. If you have gone to all this trouble to write a speech, you want it heard.
Top Everyone Up
Most people leave this to the end of the speech… when it’s too late! Advise people to top up their glasses before your speech so that they have something to toast at the end. If you speak for so long that they empty their glasses before your actual toast, this is probably a big indicator that you’ve spoken too long. Depending on how many other speakers there are, keep yours around the 5-10 minute mark.
Add Humour
Nobody is telling you that you can’t inject some teasing into the proceedings. A light ribbing is always expected at these things and it just requires a little bit of thought to make sure that you don’t go too far. The best options for teasing are things like personality quirks or things from their youth that were stupid but ultimately quite cute and loveable. Any teasing should (eventually) be balanced off with equal amounts of love and praise. A wedding is not the place for personal agendas.
Be Nice
The key principle here is ‘feel good factor’. This is more important than your ego and coming across as the resident comedian. Sure, everyone has probably already mentioned that the bride and the bridesmaids look beautiful and her mother must be proud and the groom is lucky to have her. But let’s face it, we all love to be mentioned and have good things said about us. Don't cut all the niceties from your speech in a rush just to get to the bits that are about you! Make it nice.
Don't be afraid to go 'emo'
Even for the unseasoned, it’s not impossible to extract a few tears from the crowd. For many people (and cultures) it is important to acknowledge those that can’t be with you on the day. This includes loved ones that have recently passed or that might be too sick to make it. If it’s appropriate to your particular speech (e.g. your own relative) then make sure to pay special tribute. If the bride or groom have come through hardship or tough times, be sure to acknowledge it and mention how proud you are.
Don't Google (sort of)
Okay so since you’re here reading this e-book and looking around our site, you obviously want a little bit of assistance with the perfect wedding speech. It’s important for those people with no experience that you find some advice and comfort so naturally searching online is where you start. We’re not against you looking at some general advice or examples of good speeches for inspiration. We ARE against you directly copying jokes and phrases etc from other speeches. Ultimately, you don’t need to - this is about you and your connection to the wedding or those involved in it.
Feedback & Practise
You should have your speech finished some time in advance of the wedding (at least a couple of days!) so that you have time to get some feedback from one or two people on what you’ve included, and ultimately help you make some final tweaks. Then practise at home, in your hotel room, in the car or wherever. Practising will make it easy and more naturally.
Ultimately this is about having FUN, so remember that. Relax, breathe, ease into it & enjoy yourself! We know this is hard for some people but it will be over in a few minutes and you ’ ll wonder what you were so worried about.
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To read part 2 of our our 'Nailing the Speech' series, CLICK HERE