IT'S TIME
D-day is here. Your best mate is getting hitched and you've got to be there by his side for the day.
In this final instalment of our best man's playbook series, we’ll work through the duties of the best man when it comes to wedding time. This not only means the actual few hours of the actual ceremony and reception, but the build up around the wedding. This includes being part of all the pre-parties, engagement party, rehearsal reception, rehearsal dinner, post-wedding BBQ etc!
LACKY
Put your ego to the side for the day and in the immortal words of Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson, know your role. The groom will be preoccupied, stressed and potentially all over the place so he will need your help. You can chime in throughout the day to look after him. Make sure lunch is ready for the crew and make sure the groom is hydrated (especially if you’re on the beersies). You may need to do things like drop some forgotten items to the bridal party location or pick up any official documents. Just generally be there for anything that pops up and be a yes man.
The later in the day this gets, the more it can get a bit messy and become a bit like herding cats. Just make sure you’re all in the right place at the right time so that the groom doesn’t have to worry. Oh and make sure everyone has switched off their phone when the ceremony comes.
You may even want to be the point of contact for the groom throughout the day. Essentially nobody should be contacting him about trivial stuff so you could play call screener and mind his phone for him. This gets increasingly important as you near the time for the ceremony.
MARRIAGE LICENSE
In NZ we are finding that it’s less common for groomsmen and bridesmaids to be witnesses on the wedding documents, but if this wedding is more traditional then you may be called up to sign the license. However, more often than not this is a good chance for the bride and groom to involve someone else in the wedding proceedings such as their parents, grandparents or someone who has played an important part in their life.
Nonetheless you should make sure that the groom knows where the marriage license is, and it’s taken care of by someone (if not you).
RING BEARER
The easiest of all the jobs yet somehow the most stressful. No matter how many times you check your pockets, re-check your pockets and confirm to your mate that you’ve checked your pockets, you will still have a moment of panic at the ceremony where you think you have forgotten them. Don’t.
BE A LADIES MAN
For some, this comes more naturally than others but ultimately it’s your role to play halfback between for the forward pack (your boys) and the backline (the girls). Try to glide between the groups. Mingle with the bridesmaids, flirt, chat and dance if you have to. Be charming to the mums & aunties. Crack a cheesy joke or top up their glass before the toasts.
Think of yourself as the host for the evening, as the groom will be too busy caught up with his new bride and other family commitments. Make sure the guests are being looked after and have any information they need.
Who knows… if you’re a single guy and you play your cards right, you might just get lucky. The deck is stacked in your favour more than it will be at any other time in your life. Do your best not to screw it up.
Even if you’re not single, it’s still your responsibility to be a party starter and to make sure the mood is happy and friendly, so flirting and dancing with the ladies is a sure fire way to get that happening. Today is not the day to be a wallflower.
Oh and of course, during the ceremony, escort the maid of honor down the aisle.
TOAST THE NEWLYWEDS
Yes, you read that correctly. This isn’t a roast, so don’t go to town on the groom and lay all his secrets to bear. It won’t be funny and you’ll look like a dick. Obviously steer clear of illegal drug use, ex girlfriends and anything really shady, but of course it does pay to slip in some subtle reminders or in jokes to keep him on the edge of his seat.
Be complementary to the bridal party. Thank everyone for coming but don’t go overboard on the thanks - leave that for the groom as it his day. When it comes to toasting the bride, obviously steer well clear of any snipes at her unless you have a long (and good) history with her. Leave that for the maid of honour or someone on her side of the aisle. Nothing will sour the mood like bringing the bride down.
For a more detailed guide on how to nail your best man speech, check out our guide HERE
BE AN UPPER
In the absence of any pharmaceutical uppers, this is now your role. If the groom starts to show signs of the proverbial cold feet, you need to get in there and intercept.
This could potentially be the most important role you play in the wedding. It is your job to talk him down from the ledge, reassure him and get his head in the game. Tell him the story about the 2011 RWC with Beaver out in the cold, whitebaiting on the west coast and getting the redemption call-up from Sir Ted.
Listen calmly as a confidant, and then counter his nervousness with the guile of a terrorist negotiator. Do not judge - he may fight hard and wonder what he’s
really doing here marrying this woman, but you need to reassure him that this is what he wants and everyone is here for him. Get ‘er done.
Be a calming influence, make sure the groom knows that everything has been sorted and is under control and all he needs to do is show up.
EXIT STRATEGY
It’s the end of the night and you’re probably drunk in a corner somewhere, crushing on the maid of honour and trying to convince her back to your hotel room. Time to get your head back in the game one last time and show everyone you’re on the job - make sure everything is looked after for the bride & groom. Get the gifts (if any) back to where they need to go, make sure their transport is sorted and ready to go, make sure your drifter groomsmen sidekicks are not off pissing in a bush somewhere or Uncle Freddy is not smoking a joint in the toilets. Maybe pull all the last stragglers together and grab a giant party photo before booting them onto the bus. Whatever needs doing, this will be your final act as best man so you might as well nail it and then who knows… you might get to nail something else later!
